Tired and feeling crummy

Been exhausted the past few days, so haven’t worked out again or gone to do my blood tests yet. I actually did go back to the gym on Tuesday evening, on my way home from somewhere with my girls, and showed the older one (since the younger was asleep in the ErgoBaby carrier on my back) the childcare space there, for the next time we go together. From what I’ve seen, and what the staff said, it’s normally packed during the hours it’s open (a few in the morning and evening, whereas the gym is open all day from early to late), but there was amazingly only one sleeping child there right then, so they were happy for her to have a good look at the toys and talk to me. It’s fairly basic babysitting they offer, but it’ll make a change sometimes, and let me get there at times when DH has to get on with other things. We didn’t stay for me to exercise (more than walking around town with two small kids in tow, that is!) though, as it was late and I didn’t have the right clothes.

Then yesterday I didn’t want to go anywhere after getting back from the office, but I didn’t feel right not going to the wedding a family we’re close to were making, so we all went to that, and stayed for the ceremony and the first part of the meal, till the girls were behaving too exhausted (the 3.5yo decided to go for a wander around the hotel – thankfully a friend stopped her going far) so we came home. I actually got a decent night’s sleep last night, but *needed* long naps in the morning and afternoon, and had a terrible stomachache after lunch. I’d eaten so little over the past couple of days that I thought I should have a proper meal, and apparently overdid it.

So this evening I just went on a very short walk locally with a visiting friend. I’ll go down to the gym in the morning and see what I feel up to, and then use their nice showers, I think!

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Joined the gym

I’m so behind I couldn’t even remember where in C25K week 7 I was, but apparently I have run 2 done!

I joined the gym, because I just can’t take the heat, and ran the 25 minutes on a treadmill, which was okay. Don’t know if it would have been easier on one of the ones with a television screen, but all but one of those was in use, and while I warmed up on that one it was making clunky noises and just stopping randomly, so I switched to one with simpler settings in front of the scary mirror. I didn’t do any hills, and the treadmill kept me on pace (I started at 8.8km/hr, and gradually shifted down to 8.1, but I’m pretty sure that’s twice as fast as I usually run by the end of my outdoor runs) so I got to well over 3km from the run, and 4km distance including the cool-down walk, so I’m happy with that.

I also did a ‘sculpting’ class after that, which was harder than I was expecting, after the run, but fun. The best part was definitely the large long hot shower after it all though. Our plumbing at home is rubbish¡

Dissatisfied

DH and I went to a first appointment with a new obstetrician/gynecologist this morning, and were underwhelmed. I got the forms for initial blood tests (plan to do those in the morning) and dating ultrasound (booked for next week), but I’m going to try another doctor. When we started by pointing out we’re pretty scared at the moment, then not asking for details of exactly what happened, or previous medical records, is not a very reassuring precursor to saying that it probably won’t happen again, because it mostly occurs in first pregnancies. Oh, but it didn’t happen in my first pregnancy, so obviously that doesn’t work for me, does it?

Oh yes, and despite saying I probably would need more visits and monitoring of blood pressure than regular, he didn’t take my bp today (hm, perhaps he did notice I was getting extremely stressed at that point and it might not be representative), or suggest going back sooner than six weeks from now, even to the nurse’s station. I wasn’t even comfortable to ask most of my questions, and that’s rather essential, I think. He didn’t even ask/check my weight, for a baseline for pregnancy gain, or as a pre-eclampsia/HELLP risk factor.

About the only vaguely specific thing he did say is that he doesn’t think there’s enough evidence that aspirin helps as a preventative to prescribe it to me.

I should have just insisted on a referral to a high-risk doctor, whatever his opinion, but I stupidly didn’t, so we’ll have to go through all this again. This …annoying person didn’t even put the notes he took onto the computer system (although he was reading previous ones from other doctors), apparently preferring hand-written cards.

I don’t go to a doctor to be treated as a generic pregnant woman. I want to be assessed on *my* history and symptoms, not the general statistics you think you might remember.

Pre-eclampsia (and related conditions) registry

Pre-eclampsia (and related conditions) registry

The Pre-eclampsia Registry is looking for women to share their experiences, to aid research into hypertensive conditions of pregnancy. Mostly those who’ve had pre-e etc, but also others for control. If you have access to your medical records, and/or info on any family members who might have had such conditions, so much the better. I thought it was worth doing.

Where I’m at

Up to two months pregnant (yeah, I lost track of when the last cycle started, precisely). Been running about that long (in week 7 of C25K, but lately haven’t been reliably getting 3 runs in each week). Wanted to get lots fitter/below obesity BMI before even considering getting pregnant again, so pretty scared, especially as I read more about HELLP syndrome. Realising my post-pregnancy care last time was pretty non-existent. Maybe I should have been more pro-active, but maybe one of my doctors should too? Seeing a (new) regular ob/gyn on Monday, and expecting to be referred to high-risk care. (Insurance company requires the referral.) DH and I both terrified, even though I had late-onset pre-eclampsia and HELLP, which is less dangerous (I still spent two days in ICU and DH – although not I – was told I could have died), and less likely to recur than early onset. Still high, though. We’ve decided this should be my last pregnancy, whatever happens. Please G-d, everything will go perfectly, and I’ll finally have the full natural labour I always expected, but emotionally I don’t think I can risk hoping for it. Don’t need another thing to beat myself up over or mourn the loss of.

I want to LIVE.