Where I’m at

Up to two months pregnant (yeah, I lost track of when the last cycle started, precisely). Been running about that long (in week 7 of C25K, but lately haven’t been reliably getting 3 runs in each week). Wanted to get lots fitter/below obesity BMI before even considering getting pregnant again, so pretty scared, especially as I read more about HELLP syndrome. Realising my post-pregnancy care last time was pretty non-existent. Maybe I should have been more pro-active, but maybe one of my doctors should too? Seeing a (new) regular ob/gyn on Monday, and expecting to be referred to high-risk care. (Insurance company requires the referral.) DH and I both terrified, even though I had late-onset pre-eclampsia and HELLP, which is less dangerous (I still spent two days in ICU and DH – although not I – was told I could have died), and less likely to recur than early onset. Still high, though. We’ve decided this should be my last pregnancy, whatever happens. Please G-d, everything will go perfectly, and I’ll finally have the full natural labour I always expected, but emotionally I don’t think I can risk hoping for it. Don’t need another thing to beat myself up over or mourn the loss of.

I want to LIVE.


One thought on “Where I’m at

  1. Pingback: Dissatisfied | Running from HELLP

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